From England to Ecuador and beyond

From England to Ecuador and beyond

Thursday 14 August 2014

Brace yourself! 5 things that are IMPOSSIBLE to avoid in Venice

Fabulous though it is, travelling isn't all smooth sailing. Whether you go gallivanting off for two months or two years, you will come face to face with a string of problems, big and small, that are down to you - and you alone - to fix. Sometimes you may even find yourself in a place you just want to skedaddle the hell out of, and that's okay. It's all part of the experience; after all, it's better to have a life of 'Oh wells' than 'What ifs'.

They say that preparation is often the best defence, and knowing what to expect can help you grin & bear a difficult situation and make the most of being in even the most bewildering of places. I really liked Venice, but there were a few things that left a sour taste in my mouth. Don't say you haven't been warned!

1. The crowds

Oh dear god, the crowds. Hoards of tourists pour into Venice every single day of the week, and I'm pretty sure it didn't help that I visited in high season. Here are just a few of the things that will make even the most gentle-natured person fly into a fit of rage:
  • Confused and/or curious tourists will come to a sudden halt right in front of you to pore over a map or indulge in yet another spot of window shopping. Outcome: you trip over yourself in your haste to stop, or you end up with your nose in someone's armpit. In 29C heat
  • People will happily shoulder barge you to get past or beat you to the prime photo positions. Queuing doesn't count for much here, something which is sure to rile any British tourist (or any decent human being with a shred of respect for other people)
  • Bulging rucksacks will send you flying across a bridge or careering down a set of steps when their owners suddenly whip round without warning. Cue bruised body parts and a keen desire to throw the offending item, and its owner, into the Grand Canal
  • You will be temporarily glued to the floor when unobservant tourists stand on the back of your flip flops, unwittingly pinning you to the ground. Lucky it's Venice and there's always something interesting to look at while you wait for them to kindly release you back into the general carnage
How to deal with these creatures of anarchy, you might ask? I thoroughly recommend abandoning all traces of the inherent grace and politeness that comes with being British, and sharpening those elbows - you're going to need them!

Credit: http://www.memecenter.com/search/fuck%20off

2. The pigeons

The opening line of an article I read about Venice before leaving home stated: "Venice: the city of St Mark's Square, palazzi and pigeons - why wouldn't you want to go there?" Why indeed... I'm not too sure why these disease-ridden and frankly rather scruffy scavengers were included in a top three list of Venice attractions; after all, they're hardly comparable to Australia's koalas or South Africa's whales. These brazen birds rule the roost here, particularly in St Mark's Square, flying within an inch of your head as people feed them and kids hyped up on gelato send them scattering in a panic. They really are everywhere, as demonstrated by this unwitting young lady!


3. The expense

Even a short stay in Venice can ruin your budget if you don't tread carefully. A single trip on a water taxi costs an astronomical €7 (even if you're just travelling two stops down the line - your best bet is to get hold of a 24/48/72 hour pass), it costs €5 for just half an hour in an internet cafe (and $0.50 to print off a boarding pass) and €1.50 to use the public toilets. Watch out for the sneaky service charge restaurants whack onto the bill too. Venice doesn't come cheap!


4. Pesky waiters

The second you begin to peruse a menu in the window, a waiter materialises from thin air and incessantly starts asking difficult questions (whether I want pizza, pasta, gelato, cappuccino #firstworldproblems) until I ignore them for long enough or turn on my heel and leave. Something they also really need to be made aware of is that staring at a girl on her own and making comments on her appearance is only going to lose them business, no matter how nice they think they're being. I was about to walk into a pizza restaurant until the waiter opened his mouth, at which point I made a swift U-turn and marched off absolutely seething in the other direction. I don't care if it's the culture; in my book it's unprofessional and makes me feel incredibly uncomfortable. Why would I want to eat in an establishment where I'll be stared at/interrupted/harrassed during my meal? One evening I resorted to getting take out and eating on some steps beside a canal because I was so self-conscious - definitely not how it should be.


5. Getting hopelessly lost

Honestly, you might as well take the €2.50 it costs to buy a city map and use it to buy a gelato - you'll find yourself getting utterly lost either way. The labyrinthine network of streets is almost impossible to get the hang of in a few days, and christ knows how the locals have mastered it. But then, losing yourself in a new city is half the fun, not to mention a great way to discover hidden gems and off the beaten track treasures!

Knowing what to expect can help you deal with issues abroad quickly and easily, so it can be worth doing your research beforehand to ensure your trip goes off without a hitch. Whatever you do, don't let me put you off going to Venice: it's a gorgeous, unique city that's like nowhere else on earth - I say go!