Bananaaaa and other things

My minions are coming to the end of their life span :( 

Boooo. Impressed with how long they've lasted though - got them painted in April! And yes...I know I've got weird feet.

Other than the dawning realisation that I won't have minions on my toes forever, the first night here went well - a really sweet Canadian couple invited me to sit at their table during dinner (I'd gone down to the restaurant on my own - waiting for tour buddies to arrive) and in addition to super interesting conversation (all from my side of course), they also said they'd ask their personal guide to take me to the national museum tomorrow morning to make sure I actually get out of the hotel. How nice?! Turns out someone I met in the Galápagos back in April is in Kenya and actually planning to go to the museum tomorrow as well...! Funny how things work out eh. Quite fancied the National Park for a pre-safari experience but it's €150! Museum it is. Apparently the grounds are really nice and are home to a number of wild birds, which, if anything like the species I saw earlier, will be pretty sweet! 

Is that a GIRAFFE?! First impressions - Nairobi

Well! Africa got off to a fabulous start: I was treated to my first African sunrise as the plane landed at Jomo Kenyatta at 6.25am and within 30 seconds of leaving the airport car park I glimpsed giraffes roaming around in the wild. Then, in the hour it took to crawl the few miles though the traffic to the hotel, I saw some enormous white birds half the height of a human being perched on the tops of trees, on rooftops and at the roadside - and Kenyans strolling past without giving them as much as a glance. I've decided that these are excellent signs and am now super excited to go on all the game drives lined up over the next week. 

However, Nairobi as a city...the reason I arrived a day early is because I'd read that sometimes checked bags from Heathrow don't arrive/experience delays so I wanted to give myself enough time to deal with the aftermath should this have happened to me. But now that I'm sitting in the hotel room with bag very much in tow, I'm wondering whether it was such a great idea. Despite requesting a city map and directions to the nearest supermarket from the front desk, I have still not made it beyond the hotel premises and I've been here for 9 hours. Why? For starters, the armed guard and big metal gate fencing the building off from the general public is somewhat off putting...added to the fact that I didn't see ANY tourists on my journey from the airport and that Nairobi is not deemed a safe city - by my tour company and by the FCO (kidnappings, terrorism, that sort of thing).

For someone who merrily spent 11 hours walking around Paris on their first day in the city, being cooped up and unable - albeit for safety reasons - to explore somewhere new is incredibly frustrating, especially when I know it would PROBABLY be fine. It sucks, but at least I (for once) had the foresight to go book shopping at the airport before leaving London. One evening and one very long day to go...

Brace yourself! 5 things that are IMPOSSIBLE to avoid in Venice

Fabulous though it is, travelling isn't all smooth sailing. Whether you go gallivanting off for two months or two years, you will come face to face with a string of problems, big and small, that are down to you - and you alone - to fix. Sometimes you may even find yourself in a place you just want to skedaddle the hell out of, and that's okay. It's all part of the experience; after all, it's better to have a life of 'Oh wells' than 'What ifs'.

They say that preparation is often the best defence, and knowing what to expect can help you grin & bear a difficult situation and make the most of being in even the most bewildering of places. I really liked Venice, but there were a few things that left a sour taste in my mouth. Don't say you haven't been warned!

1. The crowds

Oh dear god, the crowds. Hoards of tourists pour into Venice every single day of the week, and I'm pretty sure it didn't help that I visited in high season. Here are just a few of the things that will make even the most gentle-natured person fly into a fit of rage:

• Confused and/or curious tourists will come to a sudden halt right in front of you to pore over a map or indulge in yet another spot of window shopping. Outcome: you trip over yourself in your haste to stop, or you end up with your nose in someone's armpit. In 29C heat

• People will happily shoulder barge you to get past or beat you to the prime photo positions. Queuing doesn't count for much here, something which is sure to rile any British tourist (or any decent human being with a shred of respect for other people)

• Bulging rucksacks will send you flying across a bridge or careering down a set of steps when their owners suddenly whip round without warning. Cue bruised body parts and a keen desire to throw the offending item, and its owner, into the Grand Canal

• You will be temporarily glued to the floor when unobservant tourists stand on the back of your flip flops, unwittingly pinning you to the ground. Lucky it's Venice and there's always something interesting to look at while you wait for them to kindly release you back into the general carnage

How to deal with these creatures of anarchy, you might ask? I thoroughly recommend abandoning all traces of the inherent grace and politeness that comes with being British, and sharpening those elbows - you're going to need them!

Credit: http://www.memecenter.com/search/fuck%20off

2. The pigeons

The opening line of an article I read about Venice before leaving home stated: "Venice: the city of St Mark's Square, palazzi and pigeons - why wouldn't you want to go there?" Why indeed... I'm not too sure why these disease-ridden and frankly rather scruffy scavengers were included in a top three list of Venice attractions; after all, they're hardly comparable to Australia's koalas or South Africa's whales. These brazen birds rule the roost here, particularly in St Mark's Square, flying within an inch of your head as people feed them and kids hyped up on gelato send them scattering in a panic. They really are everywhere, as demonstrated by this unwitting young lady!

3. The expense

Even a short stay in Venice can ruin your budget if you don't tread carefully. A single trip on a water taxi costs an astronomical €7 (even if you're just travelling two stops down the line - your best bet is to get hold of a 24/48/72 hour pass), it costs €5 for just half an hour in an internet cafe (and $0.50 to print off a boarding pass) and €1.50 to use the public toilets. Watch out for the sneaky service charge restaurants whack onto the bill too. Venice doesn't come cheap!

4. Pesky waiters

The second you begin to peruse a menu in the window, a waiter materialises from thin air and incessantly starts asking difficult questions (whether I want pizza, pasta, gelato, cappuccino #firstworldproblems) until I ignore them for long enough or turn on my heel and leave. Something they also really need to be made aware of is that staring at a girl on her own and making comments on her appearance is only going to lose them business, no matter how nice they think they're being. I was about to walk into a pizza restaurant until the waiter opened his mouth, at which point I made a swift U-turn and marched off absolutely seething in the other direction. I don't care if it's the culture; in my book it's unprofessional and makes me feel incredibly uncomfortable. Why would I want to eat in an establishment where I'll be stared at/interrupted/harrassed during my meal? One evening I resorted to getting take out and eating on some steps beside a canal because I was so self-conscious - definitely not how it should be.

5. Getting hopelessly lost

Honestly, you might as well take the €2.50 it costs to buy a city map and use it to buy a gelato - you'll find yourself getting utterly lost either way. The labyrinthine network of streets is almost impossible to get the hang of in a few days, and christ knows how the locals have mastered it. But then, losing yourself in a new city is half the fun, not to mention a great way to discover hidden gems and off the beaten track treasures!

Knowing what to expect can help you deal with issues abroad quickly and easily, so it can be worth doing your research beforehand to ensure your trip goes off without a hitch. Whatever you do, don't let me put you off going to Venice: it's a gorgeous, unique city that's like nowhere else on earth - I say go!

Don't do churches or museums? 4 reasons you should STILL go to Venice

Of the 131 things to see and do in Venice, as proposed by a map I picked up at the tourist office, 56 were churches, 48 palaces & museums and 11 historical schools. A further six suggested theatres and several of the 10 attractions under the 'Points of Interest' subheading were markets. My heart sank - I've never been hugely interested in churches or museums, and shopping is a painful chore that only worms its way into my schedule when absolutely necessary. Had I chosen the wrong city to end my two week jaunt on the Continent?

To put it simply, no. Despite having been awake for 24 hours by the time I floated into Venice and the gentle rocking of a boat I could only hope was going in the right direction proving inconveniently conducive to sleep, I somehow managed to summon up the energy to admire how unique the city really is. It was all up from there, and I spent three lovely days knocking down the foundations upon which my initial concerns were built, without a church or an art gallery in sight.

While I generally like to spend a good three or four days in a city, I think Venice can easily be done in just two - and that's at a leisurely pace. Here's how I brought my European gallivanting to a close:

1. Piazza San Marco

Perhaps with the exception of floating down the Grand Canal on a gondola, strolling through St Mark's Square is the most touristy thing you can do in Venice, but there's a reason so many people are drawn to this area. The walls of the impressive buildings behind the square's celebrity status are laced with intricate carvings and patterns, cooking up a real feast for the eyes in every possible direction. With exquisite detail wherever you shift your gaze, an abundance of al fresco dining options and shops selling locally crafted glass and lace manufactured on nearby islands Murano and Burano, it's no wonder tourists flock to this bustling piazza. 

If you do one thing in San Marco, go up the Campanile, which provides stunning views of Venice for €8, and when leaving the square keep an eye out for the famous Bridge of Sighs (Ponte dei Sospire), which connected the Old Prison in the Doge's Palace to the New Prison across the water, and is where legend has it the heavy sighs of felons could be heard as they snatched their last glimpse of Venice before being locked away. The name is an invention of Romantic poet Lord Byron, from his 1812 work Childe Harold's Pilgrimage: "I stood in Venice on the Bridge of Sighs, a palace and a prison on each hand".

2. Winding waterways

Founded 1,600 years ago on a marshy lagoon, Venice is something of a masterpiece, with its emerald blue-green canals relieving a vastly urban landscape dominated by stone and stuccoed walls. These gondola-lined waterways (which put the murky Thames to shame) are flanked by buildings where doors open straight onto the water, bestowing a unique air upon the city - it's an incredible feat of architecture like nowhere else on the planet. Surrendering some time to the canals that made Venice an essential stop on any European travel route is a must, whether you achieve this on a gondola, aboard a water taxi, at a canal side restaurant or reading in a quiet back street watching the word float by.

3. Narrow back streets

I thought the canals were a bit on the narrow side, with skilled gondoliers manoeuvering these typical Venetian rowing boats to the side to make room for two-way traffic and gracefully stooping under low-slung bridges. Then I veered away from the tourist spots on dry land and felt like I'd fallen down the rabbit hole. With doorways so low I actually ducked out of necessity rather than wishful thinking, narrow passageways that can't accommodate two people going opposite ways and backstreets plunged into almost complete darkness even in the middle of the day, the maze of streets surrounding the main visitor draws are well worth exploring, not to mention a great way to escape the crowds. The signposted route from Piazza San Marco to Ponte di Rialto makes a good starting point, but after that put down the map and lose yourself in the crumbling facades and hidden corners the less well-trodden streets have to offer.

4. Burano

I'd read several posts online warning tourists to avoid both Burano, famous for its lace trade, and Murano, where the impressive glass ornaments adorning Venice shop windows are lovingly created. However, after conducting a quick Google Image search for Burano, I chose to ignore the reviews and make the two hour journey to this tiny island north-east of Venice - and I'm so glad I did. Burano may be small but it makes up for what it lacks in size in formidable beauty. Being 5'2'' (and a little biased), I'm a great believer in the saying that good things come in small packages, and Burano does nothing but add to the evidence. Despite being a neighbouring island, the brightly coloured houses and enchanting crooked bell tower that characterise this sleepy fisherman's village are a world away from the faded facades of Venice's white-grey cityscape.

Lime green, Mediterranean blue and sunshine yellow with colourful flower boxes in the windows to match: the homes on this quaint patchwork island have unwittingly created a fabulous al fresco art gallery that has the bewitching power to hold the wandering gaze of tourists - and of course it provides photo opportunities by the gallon. Plus, with wild grassy areas tracing the island's outline - where you'll get a feel for the 'real' Burano away from snap happy tourists - it is also an oasis for those seeking rural respite. I cannot recommend it enough!

Out of everything I did, I have to admit that simply sitting on a bench looking out across the water came up trumps, closely followed by my spontaneous trip to Burano. It's currently late afternoon, and I'm sat comfortably on a bench along the waterfront away from the centre, watching as the sinking sun gradually extinguishes the spectacular skyline, transforming churches and palazzis into intricate silhouettes and lending a shimmering orange glow to the vast expanse of water that isolates Venice from the mainland. I can feel the pent-up frustration from battling the crowds all morning melt with each soothing lap of the gentle waves, and the light breeze offers welcome relief from the heat of the day.

However, there's a sense of urgency pervading these rare moments of peace: the city is sinking and it faces an uncertain future as the sea levels in the Adriatic continue to rise. Venice has long been a source of inspiration for poets and novelists, but it may not be around for much longer - so it's all the more important to grasp the opportunity to see it if you can.

Living it large: Back to Barcelona

I don't usually make a habit of revisiting places; it's not in my nature to spend money seeing somewhere I've already planted my flag when there's a whole world at my disposal. However, with 17,000 islands in Indonesia alone, it can sometimes be easier to forgo the long selection process and make a beeline for a place you know and love.

Faced with a dizzying number of potential routes for my whirlwind tour of Europe, I decided to visit somewhere I'd always wanted to go, somewhere that would take me on a comforting trip down memory lane and somewhere entirely new to me; somewhere a bit spontaneous. Paris, Barcelona and Venice: three countries in two weeks and if I'm being honest, I was most excited about returning to my beloved Barcelona, where I feel right at home with tapas, tinto and temperate climes. My other motive for coming back, aside from the fact I quite simply fell in love with the place at 15, is down to one of my favourtie Almodovar films, Todo Sobre Mi Madre. For a reason I'll never be able to explain, the scene in which the main character travels from Madrid to Barcelona after losing her son in a car accident moves me to tears, particularly when the camera pans over the city and the breathtakingly beautiful Sagrada Familia. I found myself gawking at this incredible feat of architecture on three occasions during my trip, twice at around 4am when the crowds had long dispersed and the darkness shrouded it in an added layer of mystery and splendour that made it difficult to tear myself away.

I revisited a few spots I hit with the fam a decade (gulp) ago: Park Guell was just as gorgeous as I remember, the Magic Fountain brought back nice memories and the weird and wonderful buildings that flank the leafy boulevards are still as fabulously eccentric as I remember - I love that in the middle of your fairly average looking street you'll suddenly spot a conical orange tower rising like something out of a fairy tale, or an oddly shaped façade decorated in a style entirely inconsistent with the rest of the calle. While I was keen to go back to some of the tourist magnets, the majority of the trip consisted of chillaxing to the max. If you can block out the constant drone of 'mojito mojito', the beach is a cool place to spend the day, and Parc de la Ciutadella is an excellent place to lie in a heap on a hangover (sorry Leigh!). 

Another benefit of revisiting a city you first experienced under the drinking age is dipping your toes into the nightlife. I say dipping your toes - this may be a slight understatement when you go out hard four nights in a row in true Spanish style (start at 10, stumble home at 7). One of the bars we hit before a beach side club one evening requested the princely sum of €3.50* and then gave you a glass and a bottle of a spirit of your choosing to do with as you please (the concept of mixers was abandoned altogether in many cases) and our amazing hostel - Sant Jordi - got us into all the club nights for free, get in! Although, the novelty of being in such close proximity to the beach proved too much and we generally ended up swapping tunes and tequila for sand and sea (and bearing witness to drunken skinny dipping, I am scarred). There's nothing quite like kicking off your sandals, lying back in the sand and looking up at the stars at a stupid time in the morning without a care in the world. After the incredible week I've had, I could very happily live here - although it wouldn't be the same without the lovely bunch of lads who made it kick ass. I met a great group of Aussies who I'm hoping to see in Jan/Feb when I make it to Melbourne - and I may just have to factor Perth into my itinerary now too! - and some homeboys from the London/Reading area who had me laughing so hard I thought my face was going to fall off. I love this trip - a mish mash of exploring, chilling, drinking, reading, blogging and laughing like a crazy - Europe, it's been a pleasure so far. Venice has a lot to live up to!

*LOVE how cheap everything is here - €1.19 for a bottle of wine (bordering on drinkable) and €4.50 for a 20 pack of cigs. Epic!